One of our main blog goals is to educate people about being dumb.  With that in mind I have compiled this list of 5 things that will help you avoid being dumb.  This is obviously not meant to be an exhaustive list, but merely to point the most erudite readers in the right direction should they want to avoid being dumb.

1.  Keep up to date with current events.  The reasoning behind this is two-fold.  First, you will avoid looking like an ignorant buffoon at cocktail parties.  This can be particularly important when the party is attended by people like your boss or others whom you wish to impress (e.g. Queen of England, etc…).  Second, you can get ideas about what kind of actions are dumb by reading about criminals who make mistakes that get them caught such as this man, who forgot to roll down his window before attempting a drive-by shooting. 

2.  Criticize others in your life that are dumb.  Use your own personal experiences to hone your skills at detecting dumb.  If you can see it in others you can apply the same principles to yourself.  Not only will this lead to self-improvement, you may inadvertently make those you criticize less dumb.  Aunt Shirley is certainly going to think twice about using the U-scan if you make a public spectacle of her when she can’t ring through a can of beans.  Feel free to get started on this step by sharing a criticism of someone you know in the comments area of this post.

3.  Watch sitcoms.  The plots of most sitcoms are devoted to making fun of people who are dumb (see Phoebe teaching Joey French from Friends, for example) or people who are ostensibly smart, but have found themselves in a dumb situation (see Niles accidently dates a prostitute from Frasier, for example).  Being actually dumb or being the victim of dumb circumstance is not acceptable.  Use sitcoms to provide models of things to avoid in your own life.

4.  Become familiar with technology.  Most of us have had the experience of painfully watching someone fumble through getting a presentation to work on a projector.  Or maybe just setting the clock on the microwave.  These situations can be avoided by using technology regularly.  Don’t wait until the night before your scheduled visit with the Queen to try and get all the clocks in your house on the same time.  As you accumulate clocks read the instructions and learn how to set them.  Keep up with daylight savings and reset the time after power outages.  Take your knowledge to the next level by buying a watch with a lot of buttons and learn how to set the alarm on it.  Impress your friends at parties by setting all of their watches.  Take this same principle and apply it to other technologies in your life.  Master that universal remote or learn how to do a virus scan on your computer.  Simple steps like these will soon make you a technologically competent person, and let’s face it, better at life.

5.  Read this blog and follow us on twitter.  Within these posts you will find invaluable advice, and yes, sometimes criticism of actions that make people dumb.  Use and learn from these stories.  Evaluate your own behavior and see how you measure up to the standards we have set.  Most of all do not do the dumb things listed.

-Sister J

I commute by bike. I do so because it is the fastest, easiest way to get to and from work and because it means I don’t have to interact with anyone else when I do it (because people are dumb and I don’t need to be exposed to them any more than I already am). I am lucky to live in a city where this is an option, and I chose to live in a location that allows me to do this. I biked all through last winter (and I live in a cold, Canadian city) and I plan on doing it again this winter. Biking rules.

What does not rule, you ask? I will tell you. It is when people in cars yell at people on bikes. They are dumb. I am a generally respectful biker, and as a car owner myself, I do know that bikes can be very annoying when you are driving. The ones that ride way out in the middle of the lane, the ones that swerve at you, the ones do not have appropriate lighting on them so that you almost run into them at night…all of those bikers are dumb too. But I am not dumb. I do my best to ride in a safe, predictable manner (I admit to running stop signs and occasional lights, but I argue that I do so safely (you can disagree with me, but I won’t care)). So when some guy (so far, it has always been a guy) feels the need to pull up beside me and yell at me when I am riding, I am understandably irate.

I have been yelled at maybe three times, but one time in particular showed me how people are dumb. I was at a red light and started pedaling a second before the light turned green (I don’t know if cars know this, but you can tell, in advance, when the lights are going to change by watching the little flashing hand on the crosswalk signals). By the time I was in the intersection, the light was fully green. I am rolling along, minding my business, when, seconds later, some jackass in a white Cutlass decides to swerve his big damn car at me and verbally abuse me about “following rules of traffic”. Meanwhile in his attempt to teach me a lesson (I guess?), he has stopped traffic so that he can yell at me, he has caused a very dangerous situation by attempting to drive, yell and swerve at the same time (dangerous for me, a tiny human next to his huge gas-guzzling and ugly car), and failed to make any sort of logical case with me. He is dumb.

Unless I do something that actually affects you, I do not wish to hear your opinions on how I ride my bike. I think what provokes this angered outburst from these people is that they see that I am way faster then them (I ride through a city and it is much quicker to bike than to drive) and they have to account for the fact that they are burning up fossil fuels, looking stupid in an ugly car, AND getting to their destination after me. Their only means of purging this guilt is to (unfairly) yell at me. This is why people are dumb.

-Sister L

A combination of the amount of time spent in airports and on planes, along with being trapped in the situation and usually being bored out of my tree has led me to one very profound conclusion. People in airports are dumb. 

My experience with flying is mostly from long, 3-leg journeys within Canada and the U.S.- so I should say that this post applies mainly to those travelers (although my strong suspicion is that this is true the world over). My greatest beef with people in airports has to do with the baggage carousel. Everyone hauls themselves off the plane, makes their way down to the baggage area and waits for the bags to appear. Everyone is tired, no one smells great, and everyone shares an equal desire to get their bag and get on with the trip.

And yet, the actions of the majority of the people standing around the carousel prevent this from happening. First, people crowd around the point of the carousel where the bags actually come out. This is no problem for me because I just pick the spot the absolute farthest from this annoying crowd. After those “prime” real estate spots go, everyone else lines up shoulder-to-shoulder as close as humanly possibly to the carousel itself. On most flights, there is not enough room around the carousel for each person on the flight to do this, so maybe 60% of people can now see their bag (and not a single person has adequate room to retrieve the bag without injuring another patron). As the bags start coming, people crowd in further, jostling for position and knocking old ladies out of the way. It is madness, and a great example of just how dumb people are. 

I know what you are thinking: “But how else am I supposed to see my bag?”! Let me tell you how, dear reader. You (and everyone else in the herd) take 3 giant steps backward. Hell, make it 4 steps backward. This will increase the circumference of the ellipsis and everyone will be able to see. When your bag is within 3 feet of you, you may step forward and collect it (and won’t it be nice to do so without a heavily-breathing older man brushing up against you)? 

Another note, if you are a party of 6, please send only one representative forward to collect the bags of the whole group. Your baggage cart takes up way too much room and you don’t all need to crowd the carousel. Dads make great representatives, as do children aged 10-18. 

It is my dream that one day, all airports will require this procedure of their travelers. It is my greater dream to be the marshall who controls the situation. Until that time, J’s method of violently swinging her suitcase into any person crowding the carousel is the only solution (consider it vigilante justice).

Sister L

My sister and I consider ourselves great observers of the human condition. Within these blog posts, we will analyze the behavior of our fellow humans and try to ascertain why people are so dumb. We recognize that this kind of quest may very well be in vain and that there may not be an answer to this age-old question (all the great philosophers, from Nietzsche to Jerry Seinfeld have pursued this noble cause). The very real possibility that there is no satisfactory answer to this question will not hinder us in our never-ending search for some answer to the question that haunts our waking hours: WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB?