A combination of the amount of time spent in airports and on planes, along with being trapped in the situation and usually being bored out of my tree has led me to one very profound conclusion. People in airports are dumb. 

My experience with flying is mostly from long, 3-leg journeys within Canada and the U.S.- so I should say that this post applies mainly to those travelers (although my strong suspicion is that this is true the world over). My greatest beef with people in airports has to do with the baggage carousel. Everyone hauls themselves off the plane, makes their way down to the baggage area and waits for the bags to appear. Everyone is tired, no one smells great, and everyone shares an equal desire to get their bag and get on with the trip.

And yet, the actions of the majority of the people standing around the carousel prevent this from happening. First, people crowd around the point of the carousel where the bags actually come out. This is no problem for me because I just pick the spot the absolute farthest from this annoying crowd. After those “prime” real estate spots go, everyone else lines up shoulder-to-shoulder as close as humanly possibly to the carousel itself. On most flights, there is not enough room around the carousel for each person on the flight to do this, so maybe 60% of people can now see their bag (and not a single person has adequate room to retrieve the bag without injuring another patron). As the bags start coming, people crowd in further, jostling for position and knocking old ladies out of the way. It is madness, and a great example of just how dumb people are. 

I know what you are thinking: “But how else am I supposed to see my bag?”! Let me tell you how, dear reader. You (and everyone else in the herd) take 3 giant steps backward. Hell, make it 4 steps backward. This will increase the circumference of the ellipsis and everyone will be able to see. When your bag is within 3 feet of you, you may step forward and collect it (and won’t it be nice to do so without a heavily-breathing older man brushing up against you)? 

Another note, if you are a party of 6, please send only one representative forward to collect the bags of the whole group. Your baggage cart takes up way too much room and you don’t all need to crowd the carousel. Dads make great representatives, as do children aged 10-18. 

It is my dream that one day, all airports will require this procedure of their travelers. It is my greater dream to be the marshall who controls the situation. Until that time, J’s method of violently swinging her suitcase into any person crowding the carousel is the only solution (consider it vigilante justice).

Sister L